I can’t be arsed
I’m listening to : Golden by Chrisette Michele
I’ve been meaning to write. But all that I can think of in the last two hours is this :
I can’t be arsed.
It’s true and frankly, it is not writing that I can’t be arsed to do. I can’t be arsed to go to college and begin a whole new semester. Wooo exciting! (NOT). I think the excitement package only lasts the first two semesters, and then as a senior you are only entitled to dragging your ass around trying to complete the damn degree(and not drop out). And tribute concerts if you are easily manipulated or an extreme optimist.
Or maybe it’s just me. Not feeling excited about new kids coming in. About Paul Simon tribute(that prior to the semester beginning, I’ve already been asked to do -__-. NO.) About seeing people and actually having a (or what’s left of a) social life again. It’s not a people issue. I just feel…old.
Having said that, I’m actually quite looking forward to classes(that fortunately for me, does not start on Monday *cue victory dance). And beginning work with a new accompanist I’ve never played with – I loved playing with Edwin but he has too many commitments and I didn’t want to be hogging him to myself when we can both try new things and grow, but I’ll still try to play with him once in a while when he has time to spare. Bud is a great pianist too, from what I watched one who plays from within and theoretically almost never knows what the heck he just played – in some way scarily like me – and I’m really hoping we click.
Mm I feel…old. Ironically I sound more like an angsty teenager with identity issues on this weblog.
3:59a.m. – It’s been a long day of last minute final assignments; May tomorrow have mercy on my fellow ICOMers. Goodnight all.
My Very Own Wireless Mic
This time a year ago, I was running (somewhat) amuck between the recital hall and backstage area, chasing my ‘monkeys’ on and off stage. I was happy, and I was sure as hell content. I was a good backstage manager and I knew it.
August – October 2010 saw me struggling to deal with my own demons in the same recital hall. The backstage region was no longer mine to hold command of, and a part of me died knowing I wouldn’t have command of the stage and band, too. When I say I was crushed, I mean it. I was beaten to the ground when I was given the part of backing vocals and just four songs in the lead ‘department’. I wanted to be just that. Elite. I wasn’t.
Today, I am where I’ve always dreamed of being. In the very same recital hall. I have command over what my body wants. I’m here, finally here. I’m on the frontline. My first step into performing as a vocalist. In less than eight days I will be standing on the largest stage I’ve ever stood on, singing for the largest audience I have ever faced directly. And whether or not I deliver, is entirely up to no one but me, Sam. The stage is mine, even for just that hour and a half. I’ve crossed on to the next level. It’s finally here. It’s my time to smile.
***
What a thought, my very own mic, I used to imagine during rundowns. Even a wired SM58, just that, as long as it had my name assigned to it.
I finally felt my own presence while holding the ‘long and thick’ Sennheiser at last night’s rehearsals. My very own wireless microphone, assigned to just Sam.
Stuffy red Ruldoph-esque nose. Red eyes. Blocked ears. Heavy head. vs Acoustics ICA#2 DONE, ICS Tribute to Disney rehearsals ongoing.
Shoot me. But I’m not complaining. It beats being idle anyday :]
Light Me A Tealight
There is so much to say. So much to be said. And even more to be done.
I cried myself to sleep last night. I didn’t care if I was twenty, or thirty, or fifteen. I cried myself to sleep in his arms. Who else could I be vulnerable to and be so sure my fragility – This horrid sin I call weakness – would not be held against me or used as an unscrupulous weapon to tear me down? Dean. He’s my only answer, besides my family, obviously.
Contemporary Harmony 3 & 4 : 60 (15 – 30)
PI, Voice 241 : 80 (65)
Acoustics for Musicians : 94 (50+)
(The marks in bracket were my results for the same subjects last semester)
Week 14 is approaching, and exams are really not my thing. Though I must say I was rather contented with my Week 9 ICA results, I need it to be even better this time. (I’ve never been one to share my results publicly, but it’s my first time being somewhat content with anything academic). There’s just so much to do – Revision, tribute rehearsals, PI rehearsals, FP rehearsals, rehearsing with the backing vocalists, lead vocalists’ group rehearsals, even more rehearsals. Mom keeps reminding me that academics should be my main priority.
I’ve really no time to play high school-esque mudslinging games. There’s too much politics everywhere, and I want no part of your scheming little games. It’s just too insubstantial and insignificant. I’m only here to prove myself worthy.
Wow, have I digressed. It’s 3:54a.m. and I’ve not showered. I just want to shower and go to bed. In the arms of my angel :]
I’ve got a lot on my mind, and a lot that I have to say. But I’m currently in GE020 Musical Acoustics. My day started with me oversleeping until 10a.m. and the last thing on my planner today is practice for Saturday’s exhibition gig which will end around midnight.
I’ll be back. I miss Tumblr!
Rewarding
Rewarding 
I cannot find any other word to describe what the Jan’10 semester has been. It’s also super hard to believe that four more exams/favors to sing for and the semester is done with.
Jan’10 didn’t start very well at all. Heartbroken, betrayed and alone, I started the semester locking myself in the room every day for nearly two months. I switched my principal instrument to Voice from Piano with huge doubts in where my voice would take me, welcomed a new housemate whom I deemed totally hateable, and picked up what was left of my ‘broken heart’ – All by myself. All by myself….don’t wanna be all myself anymore…
Bitter, angry, hateful, lonely was me five months ago. Five months later, I am happy, loved, and most of all looking forward to July’10. I am contented with what Jan’10 has brought, but still feel I could have done so much more, and given so much more of me. I guess I couldshould have spent a little more time with Acoustics *gulp*
The last five months has without a doubt been the most productive period in my life (Seriously, shows what a life, or rather the lack of it, I had in the last eighteen years), despite only having three subjects. It has also been, without a doubt, the best I’ve ever had.
Five months ago I welcomed a housemate I’d sworn never to like – She is now my best friend, the best I’ve ever had, and damnit I can’t even begin to wonder what a month’s worth of sem break is going to be like without her 
Five months ago I went from keys to vocals, convinced that I would never make it to the stage – I did. And though there is still 100% room left for even more progress, I’m glad to say that it was probably one of the best decisions I have ever made.
Tough times were present, but as cliché as it sounds it really does all come down to what you make of it. “Bad things happen all the time. You can either choose to give up and sulk, or learn from it.” I chose learn from it.
And boy has it been rewarding.
–
P.S. I’m singing a Tompi number for PS020-002 finals tomorrow because their singer ditched. I.am.worried.
P.P.S. The July’10 tribute auditions results are out – Lead and backing vox for Queen & ABBA 
I.am.ecstatic. and will take whatever comes my way. And I finally get to sing with Irma!!
Just an update
So the ICS Tribute to U2 is done with, I’ve been kinda sick and it’s rather complicated – Something is pretty wrong with my immune system and we are looking high and low for a decent immunologist, but scratch that.
(It’s been quite a while since I last had photos on my blog, here’s some colour!)
The U2 Tribute Family
I think I left a part of me with the tribute team – Production and band especially. Despite only having to handle things backstage, I feel this strange attachment to this team of people who’ve been pouring sweat into the project, despite only having really worked in the last two weeks of the entire thing. I’m truly blessed to have been presented this opportunity(which I was pretty adamant about turning down in the first half an hour) and it has definitely been good exposure that taught me a variety of things in non-consistent ways. For some reason I am already looking forward to the next tribute, though this time I might just audition for lead vocals, or I might just do the managing backstage again since it’s going to be a much bigger show this time around. It didn’t come easy, but I wouldn’t mind doing it all over again – From screaming at my choir monkeys, to laughing my arse off with the awesome system engineer Shao Wei, Marcel and Dean, to fixing our rockstar Richie’s hair(though I’m pretty sure the latter two was not and SHALL NOT be part of my job description).
(Backstage) The technicians and engineers' set list
(Backstage) Marcel, Dean and Shao Wei being themselves/The Three Stooges
(Aftershow) The rockstar, Richie and myself
(Backstage) My choir monkeys
(Aftershow) A crazy bunch of people I'll always hold dear
That aside, ICA #2 for PI is up next Wednesday and I have yet to practice with my band, no thanks to my dying immune system and scratchy throat. We shall on Monday and I cannot wait for it’s my first time playing with these guys
On a much lighter note, I am dead serious about building a blanket fort in my room in K.L., my only problems being the lack of support items(where do I get a pole, or chairs for that matter) and I also have no idea what to do with my queen-sized bed – Do I build my fort around it? Whatever the plan is, I am super excited since I’m getting pretty bored with my room’s current layout. I’ve rearranged my room thrice and the current layout has been intact for the last four months. A blanket fort, anyone? It’ll have lights in it, and dangling stars… (I’m still very much a kid beneath the whole tough girl ignorant girl emo girl façade).
–
I had all some rather serious thoughts laid out in my mind throughout the day, but didn’t get the chance to sit myself down and write ‘em, now they’re gone(What’s new right?). Some other time maybe. Goodnight and tata!
You Make The Choice
I think I’ve come to a point in my life where the decision – of what’s important and what’s not, or what’s more important than the other – lies in none other than my own hands.
Remember when you were a kid you can’t wait to grow up and decide on everything on your own with no parental guidance? Coming to college, I called home at every little decision that had to be made. Nine months later, I’m finally learning how to evaluate and make those choices – With only the supervision my own mind can provide.
So when I was presented an opportunity to work with a wonderful team on an open-to-public event hosted by college, it lead me to making little but vital choices, all to make certain that this project works out and goes smoothly. To do that, I’ll have to give a hundred percent of me – In the time and effort aspect. And in order to give that, I need to take care of myself (Read : Enough rest).
After having done what I think is needed of me for the week, I’ve come to the decision of ditching Friday Performance for the first time, to go home and get enough rest for next week because let’s face it : How am I to face next week – A crucial one, and deliver when I’m braindead?
—
Here’s the aforementioned project I’ve been working on :
ICOM Celebration Series – Tribute to U2
Date : 24th April 2010 (Next Saturday)
Time : 8:00p.m. – 10:00p.m.
Venue : Recital Hall, ICOM
No, I’m not performing but instead working as backstage manager – And boy, never would I have expected that dealing with musicians could be such an arduous task. But it’s all good
So come! (Sorry no picture, FB picture damn small so I thought no point).
I could…but I won’t.
I’m listening to : Everytime I Look At You by Il Divo
I would write you a decent entry, lengthy enough to be considered a proper entry.
I could tell you about this song, and what it reminds me of. I could tell you about how it never fails to bring me back to 2005, Awana, where I’d just arrived back to from Genting via cable car, and was texting W.
I could tell you about how much I miss my best friend, Andy, whose birthday just passed. I could write about how I miss having someone actually reliable and trustable around.
I could go on about what the last week has meant to me – The believe, the nerves, the comments, how it paid off yet I still didn’t think I did well at all.
–
I could go on, but tonight there is almost no time for reminiscence. Tonight I have to grasp three very complex songs by morning for practice(s) in the afternoon. In the morning I have to dash to Kinokuniya to get myself a new planner because I lost mine and life has been total chaos – There goes my events/meetings, to-do lists, BILLS…
There will be no time for reminiscence for the next couple of weeks. ICAs, FPs, Tribute… But this should be a good experience, to for once in my life, have things to do.
Fatigue is killing me now. Goodnight
Weary
Don’t think I’ve ever felt this unwell, or been this good the entire week.
No going out, no heaty food, multiple glasses of disgusting honey lemon, sneaking in sleep here and there just to keep what’s left of my voice, not missing a single practice session for Soya’s performance, taking the supplements mom insisted I try every night…
It’s just not me to ever be studious, and at the rate I pushed my body(diet, sleep pattern), I woke up this morning from an hour’s nap finding it more difficult than usual to pretend like I’m fine. Being immune to viral attacks doesn’t always mean that the body is strong enough to handle such a lifestyle – A lifestyle of uncertainties and no routine.
I’m so friggin’ tired and the only way I’m going to make way for CH revision tonight, and not to mention actually have a voice left for soundcheck would be to sneak in some sleep somewhere between practices and soundcheck. Book a practice room and sit at the corner to nap?
C’mon. I’ve been sick the entire week, at least rid me off this flu already.
Thrive
I’m listening to : Halo by Beyonce Knowles
I have so much to learn, and I am absolutely ecstatic. I really liked her; Nice, fast talker under the influence of coffee, young and optimistic.
“I really like it that you’re asking me so many questions. If there’s anything else at all, at anytime, you know my number, JUST ASK.”
My volume is growing, though it can grow so much more given that I get familiar with belting. More powerful. I’m getting the ‘soul’. But I have so much more to learn. And I’m absolutely ecstatic.
I had a really good first PI* lesson (of the semester).
*PI = Private Instruction; Like private piano/guitar/whatever lessons you take, we call it PI.
—
I wouldn’t say I gave up a lot, coming to KL to live and pursue this massive interest of mine. I had nothing much to lose, but there were little things I had to lose out on — Say nonsensical talk at the dinner table after dinner, and small things like that. But the sacrifices, they don’t come close to the things I could achieve only if I had make those sacrifices, and I am so glad to be able to say that coming here and the things it enables me to do is worth all the sacrifices.
This once-massive interest of mine, has *finally* flourished, or evolved, even, into something ten thousand times more substantial – Passion, something I struggled to find all my life, and I finally found it. Finally.
PS010-001
It was freezing.
I ditched “This Masquerade” because last minute (on stage) we lacked one keyboard. And got hit in the cheek by Siang’s guitar in the midst of running backstage.
I forgot my solo part in “White Christmas” from wrecking nerves and decided to fill-in with the melody line plus 6 chords instead. It was funny.
It’s over! One more to go, PI!
110 Hours Later
I feel like I just went through a break-up. I broke-up with my assignments. Now I feel empty and life suddenly has no purpose :/
That aside, a hundred and ten hours of no sleep AT ALL later, I’m relieved that it’s all over and done with. For the semester anyway. Funny how finals don’t worry us like submission does. “Crazy man you.” – I know, I was told 
I’ve been so accustomed to not sleeping for the last five days that right now I’m finding it difficult to crash. I reckon you’ll find no more blood, only Red Bull in my bloodstream for the next couple of days o_O
That’s it, Divad has passed out and I’m gonna try crashing. Probably won’t be able to get up for practice tomorrow once I find a way to pass out tonight (Forgive me but do you really want me to go one more day without sleep?)
—
P.S. I am immensely grateful for my classmates Kelly, Evelyn, Shuen Peng, Kishern and Tim for all the help. Special thanks to Kelly, Evelyn and SP for deciding to lend a hand after seeing me all zombie-fied this morning.
Ahh <3
P.P.S. I’m convinced that even if I throw a bomb at Divad now he won’t wake up :O
I CAN!
“I stayed up two whole nights.”
“My brother could do five nights with minimal sleep.”
“So could I.”
All these talk – Nonsense.
It’s a whole different story when you stay up to work.
I am starving, my eyes feel like fireballs and I am physically drained. But damnit my mind has been put into overdrive by a red-colored bull. And I have to go to college in approximately an hour and a half to book an ensemble room, for the practice I don’t think I will be attending. Two more assignments before tomorrow. One. More. Night.
It’s not funny.
The Beginning of A New End
College is coming to an end. I’m still having a tough time knocking the fact that I’m almost done with my first semester in college into my head. It’s strange, really. Not that “it felt just like yesterday when we all met at orientation”. Truth be told, it doesn’t. Orientation week and the first couple of weeks of college feels like ages away. The first three months of college was spent so much around ‘emo’ people that it actually got pretty depressing.
Thankfully, though, some things got me snapping out of being a pessimist and instead look forward to what else college and life has to offer. It is safe to say that ICOM and its people are growing on me, and I really am beginning to enjoy college. All that besides the fact that I have yet to switch my principal instrument.
“Did you notice that everything is falling into place for us now?” – Yours truly.
“Hey you know I feel like everything is just going really well for us now.” – Annmarie
—
Think about it. Next semester, we’re going to have juniors! What a comforting thought, a daunting one too because Ann wants me to buy her a ‘hawt’ junior during slave auction. That, and she’s threatening to buy Ah Ling a (shorter) hot chick with long hair, lower shoulder level and everything else I don’t have to offer -___-
It’s going to be a fun journey ahead, or so I can sense. I cannot wait. But meanwhile, can time pass slower so I have more time before Week 20 submission? That, and I cannot afford to screw my finals up.
But then again… Coming to the end of the semester also means I only have a couple of weeks left living with Ann. She’s moving and I hate to admit but T__T After all that we’ve been through together (and at one point, against each other)……. T_____T
Oh well.
College and Life Away From Home in Photos
I’m listening to : Father and Friend by Alain Clark
Truth be told, I don’t think I can explain how much I’m enjoying college. As much as you are going to hate me for saying this, I don’t miss Klang one bit. I miss the family and I miss the food, but nothing more. I don’t love KL(haven’t been around it to love it yet), but I love college.
I love dragging myself to the shower in the mornings for 9a.m. classes(which I have on three out of five days), I love scrubbing my dirty feet at the end of the day, I love having to wash my garments and hang them dry for the whole world to see, I love washing my socksspending hours in the practice rooms, I love practicing with the lights off, I love going to the roof at the end of every day for a breather, I love being around so many competitive people because it subconsciously pushes me to strive harder. I love crashing on Ann’s bedroom floor after college and pretending to not hear a word she says. I love crashing only to wake up ten minutes later because I have to bathe and wash my clothes/clean the room.
“Truth or Dare” after pasta at my place. From left : Evelyn, yours truly, Glenn, Carel, Aaron. Ann was cameraman.
Bff and long-lost twin : Annmarie
“Emoboy” Glenn
So we were sitting and talking one day and got talking about fresh air. So I mentioned the rooftop in B.Tinggi’s Jusco and we got thinking if we could go up to the one at our condos. It’s our (me, Carel and Glenn especially) spot now. Every evening/night. To practice. Or to stone.
Stoners
More stoners
Long-lost twins
The view at night is too pretty
Jalan Genting Klang, Setapak @ midnight. Took a walk out(because there’s a curfew that doesn’t allow us in the condo compound after midnight) to relieve my irritable stomach. No I didn’t go alone, crazy ah? (Note to self : Eat more and eat on time)
Testing if my phone’s camera can focus. It doesn’t work anymore :’-(
KLCC for Public Enemies.
I quote David, “What, you serious ah? You seriously taking a picture of KLCC?”
Oh and I got a new shelf the week before last -_-” It’s D.I.Y. but dad and Steffi fixed it while I cleaned up.
I stole the laptop from home for a week. Totally pointless when you don’t haev internet.
And yeah if you zoom in you might be able to see how I drew an X over Kris Allen’s face and coloured out his name 
Our personal Indonesian maid cleaning up after himself. Poor Carel’s first mopping experience.
This is Ann’s signature thing. Smiling at her phone and ignoring everything you say /curses
I’ve got a lot more to share but this is yours truly now :
Nah just kidding. Watching the last Indiana Jones movie now. Harrison Ford, Shia LaBeouf <3 and Cate Blanchett in one movie. How to not love?
Thoughts : College So Far
I couldn’t leave without writing about my experience so far with college. And I didn’t think it was appropriate to write it in the midst of all that random photographs.
If you didn’t already know, I’ve already moved to KL. It’s a pretty unit despite its dingy and run-down facade. College hasn’t officially started, though for the past three days we’ve been taking twenty-minute-to-and-twenty-minute-fro walks to college for orientation.
My batch has pretty nice people. And also pretty competitive people. They all have one thing in common though, besides their love for music. And that is how they find me and Ann freaky. Will elaborate on that later.
As for the placement tests and audition, I did well in all three and I got placed in Sem2, which means I get to skip Sem1 and graduate six months earlier than those who didn’t. I’m happy that I got to save some time and money for my parents, but upset that me and Ann are being separated. That, and I reckon the January people of Sem2 wouldn’t like skippers very much? I don’t know. But I accept the challenge.
Here’s one thing about studying music though, or anything related to the performing arts industry, really. There will always be strong competition and rivalry. There will always be people trying very hard to put themselves above you and all that. You could literally feel the competition, even on the first day of orientation, especially as a pianist. Most of the girls who come in are pianists and I was advised by the college’s VP to switch to something else because the college and world is overflooding with pianists. I can barely wait to switch to vocals or something, but that’ll have to wait because I’m not too ready to re-audition.
Being in a music college, or living in the entertainment industry will always mean you have to keep striving to be the best. Ann said in the end it’s about what you make, but agreed that in the end you still have to be the best. You’ll have to stand out. Be the best of the bests. Or you’re not going to survive.
I’ve also come to notice how most of the July intake people I’ve spoken to keep to themselves a lot. Which probably explains why they find me too feisty and whacky, and definitely too straightforward. Maybe they’ll learn to open up and stop being so afraid of getting embarrassed in time. You chose music, the most unforgiving industry in the world; being timid and quiet isn’t going to do you much.
Someone told Ann and myself that we are like the life of the class. While Ann is the cooky one, I’m the feisty and brutally straightforward one. I don’t see that as a bad thing really. I think people will get used to having two nuts in the college with time.
Sad thing is, we won’t be going to Berklee together But no worries, I’ll make sure I get two rooms for you and Carel so we can all stay together! I can barely wait to work with this two for Friday performances.
P.S. I can’t wait to meet Shao Wei, who could turn out to be a pedofile… Neh just kidding.
Speed of Sound
Why hello there again! Miss me? Fret not, I’m back! Riggght. I’ll be home ’till Sunday, though I have stuff to do like collecting my computer, signing up with Celcom, stuff like that. Celcom is so much cheaper than Maxis and has a lot better coverage, and since dad is anti-Maxis so yeah, you get that.
Anyway, photos! Really bad quality ones but what the heck.
This is me after all the cleaning up for my room is done with :
This is Steffi and dad after all the cleaning up is done with :
And this is me spending my first night in the city. On the kitchen bar. Which probably cannot support my weight.
And this is me room on the first night! The lamp is there because the plugpoint on the table side of the room wasn’t working. It’s fixed though
This was lunch on the next morning. With no gas to cook. The noodles were crunchy. Wth.
This is the walk to college.
This is us recording “You Are Not Alone” as a tribute to MJ. No, this ain’t college. If the college’s recording studio was this small I’d hang myself. Maybe not.
I BOUGHT ORIGINAL CDs. I’ve finally decided to come clean, turn over a new leaf and start buying original CDs. <3 The Script.
And this was last night. Happy eighteenth, my legal friend.
To Klang With Love
Hello, hello, people! Miss me?
Life’s been pretty good to me here in the city, though it’s still pretty early to say(I’ve only been here three days?) Moving in was NOT FUN, the cleaning was painful but it was all worth it. While I’m living with no internet, no Astro and no computer, okay let me just stop whining and tell you some stuff in point form.
- I moved in on Saturday. The cleaning was hell for me and Ann’s mom(Evelyn only came on Sunday from Penang). Like really though, did you guys(those who rented the place before us) ever cleaned under your bed?!?!
- Sunday was boring. Painfully, agonizingly boring. Our parents dropped by though, to bring us stuff we left out like a chair for my room table, emergency torchlight and all that.
- College orientation started today! Me, Ann and Evelyn walked because you’d be nuts to drive in a gridlock like that. Me and Ann screamedsang Christina Aguilera’s Beautiful all the way to college. What a great way to start the day.
- College! Finally arriving at college! The truth is mom came to KL again to pass me my wallet, which I left in her bag the night before and forgot about it -_-”
- Met some people. Sat for English and music theory placement tests. Auditioned. Carel, from Indonesia, played the violin and damnit I asked him to marry me.
- My audition went well, except the sight reading part. So they’re going to place me in this class called Reading Lab 101. Rigggght. How did they guess I had perfect pitch, though? Sweeet.
- After audition rounds none of us left. NO idea why but we all just hung out on the second floor. Then someone started playing the piano like insanely well, coming from the warm-up room. I got excited and went to peep. Guess who? Carel. Damnit as if wasn’t already insane about how good he is at violin already. I asked him to marry me again and told him to follow me home. I really said that! But of course I was kidding goddamnit. He’ll be staying at Heritage too, though.
- Walked back to the condo with a new addition to the crazy singing/screaming family, Glenn. Best part of the journey was our rendition of Michael Jackson’s Black or White. We don’t like this guy’s taste in music. He likes Kris Allen over Adam Lambert. Deaf!
- Tomorrow’s walk-to-college song : The Carpenters – Top of The World.
- Ann and I are doing a studio recording tribute to MJ tomorrow
- I chose home over Rainforest Music Festival. I’m coming home in two days!
I’ve had enough with this laggy, annoying computer and internet. Shao Wei is probably laughing his arse off right now. It’s only temporary ’till I get my Mac and internet! Which reminds me, how do I get Streamyx?
Okay gotta go up and wash me socks.
