Dear blog #P7 : Waiting

Dear blog,

As we speak I am seated in yet another fast food joint, waiting. Waiting for a time that is lost, the attention that is missing and the mind that is absent.

I don’t quite know what to make of the fact that his time and mind is constantly occupied by the likes of work, rehearsals, internship, gigs and even more rehearsals. I should be happy for him and I am, really, that life has finally picked up its pace for him. That he can now afford to eat more than one pathetic bread/instant noodle meal a day. That he can now occasionally buy himself a little reward.

But I spend so much time waiting and waiting. Wait for his rehearsals to end so we can go home, because he hadn’t had any time to send me home prior to that. Wait for him to finish rehearsals and come home to me. Wait for him to finish working (from home) so we can go to bed. Wait for him to stop thinking about sequencing and learning songs and arranging and gigs and rehearsal times and clashing events, so he can spare a little time to stop stressing and frowning and just be happy for me that mom finally said ‘Yes’ to getting me a keyboard.

I have been waiting for months now.

He tries, he tries with the little stamina he is left with by the end of every day, to spend half an hour lazing around with me. Though he is most the time worn-out and too tired to even talk to me, answer me, or to just listen to me talk, I appreciate those thirty minutes we spend just in the company of each other’s silence. It lets me know that no matter where he’s been, what he’s done and how good/bad the day went, he chose to come home to me.

I’ve been spending so much time of my own waiting for him, and waiting on him, and people have started to take notice. Just in case you’re wondering, yes, I do feel like I sometimes don’t have a life of my own, constantly living my life waiting for someone or something to end. I do have a life of my own, mind you. I’m not just a follower and I will never be just “Dean’s girlfriend”. I find that an insult. Suppose you could say I should be thankful that I have found my other half. But I’m just rambling. Don’t mind me.

You’ve been a good companion and a great friend, WordPress. ‘Till we speak again.

Much love,
Sam.